A Different 4th

This is quite a different 4th of July.

We haven’t really made a bunch of new friends yet so a BBQ picnic is out. And three of our children are in other states! We are down to three this weekend!

It is times like these that lead me to question my decision to move. I know that it was the right decision but that doesn’t mean that there is no pain or discomfort accompanying it.

Sometimes I am marvel at the enormity of the upheaval in our lives, in my life.

I was already reeling a little at the change of season that I am facing in my life before we actually moved.

In addition to that, I left the house that I had personally built and lived in for the last 19 years.

I left the church that I have attended since I was converted to Christ 27 years ago.

I left the state that I have lived in for 31 years.

All of the boundaries that helped to stabilize me are gone. I, we, are really starting over.

I did this once before when I left New Jersey to move to California. However, I was 17 then, very naive and oblivious to any possibility of failure. Now, I am 48, a little bit wiser and very aware of my limitations.

I suppose that I could look at the removal of the boundaries through the lens of being given complete freedom. However, the increase of freedom requires an increase in responsibility. In my weaker moments, I wonder if I am up to it. On days like today, I have more questions than answers.

How will we celebrate this holiday in the future? With whom? What are my plans for our family going forward in the future?

I am sure the answers will come when they are needed, but this morning I woke up with lots of questions.

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