How to find a great realtor

As a public service, I thought it would be good to share with you the steps that I took to find a good realtor.

Step 1: Lose weight

My wife has been in California since last August taking care of her parents. That means that I have had to fend for myself in the kitchen. Since I still have all of my own responsibilities, and I now have to do my own laundry and all of the housework, I have had to apply Lean Manufacturing principles in the kitchen. That means that I am eating just the basics.

Breakfast consists of eggs in one form or another or my proprietary greek yoghurt concoction. Lunch is either a ham and cheese sandwich, a tuna sandwich or leftovers. For dinner I rotate between homemade chili (using Carroll Shelby’s ingredients!), a loaded baked potato (with steamed broccoli covered in chili), sirloin burgers, beef and bean burritos or Costco’s rotisserie chicken and pre-packaged salads.

The unintended consequence of this is that I have lost a decent amount of fat around my mid-section. I am actually starting to see the first signs that I actually have abdominal muscles!

Step 2:  Buy new underwear

For quite some time now, I had been growing increasingly frustrated with my old underwear. They were no longer doing a very good job of keeping everything in its proper place. But, like any red blooded male, I continued to stick with them.

But, my recent fat loss, gave me a whole new perspective on this ongoing problem…

Since I need new underwear anyway…and my wife had been telling me to get new ones…I think I can now fit into a medium size! Ummm…just so no one misunderstands, I’m referring to the waist!

Needless to say, I was excited when I headed off to the store. I mean how often does a middle aged man buy smaller size pants? I was no longer just “thinking outside of the box”. I was ready to actually jump out of it!

Once I got to the store, I thought, “Wow! Things have surely changed since the last time that I bought…”

Boxers (which I never understood), briefs, boxer/briefs (mid-thigh & knee length), thongs, etc.

After looking in several stores, I had begun to settle on the mid-thigh boxer/brief style. My final stop was the local Target store. As I was analyzing their various offerings, a guy from church literally bumped into me. We began talking. When I told him that I was ready to put my house up for sale, he encouraged me to talk to his realtor. She had just helped him sell two rental homes and “was a real go-getter.”

Step 3:  Put two and two together

About a week later, my brother called. He has been in the mortgage business for quite awhile. I told him that we were getting ready to put our house up for sale.

“Lord (he used my real name instead), you’ve got to get a good realtor. It makes all of the difference.”

I really didn’t want to hear this because I was already less than thrilled with the realtor I was talking with. She was our realtor when we bought the house. But when I told her what we wanted to net out of the sale, she basically told us that we were dreaming. She would reluctantly be willing to list the house at the price! Nothing impressed her…the hardwood floors, the built-in bookcases, the insulated attic over the master bedroom… When I told her how energy efficient the home was, she said that no one really cares about that!

“You need someone who will really work. You need a real go-getter.”


wait a minute…

I’ve heard that before…

the guy from church…

in the underwear department at Target.…

That Sunday after church, he gave me her number. I called and scheduled an appointment.

Well, Bunch and I met with her today. When she walked in, she was completely taken with the house. She seemed to genuinely appreciate every improvement that we had made and wrote it all down. She was especially impressed by the steps I had taken to make it more energy efficient!

“You know, people are really looking for that.”

I told her what we hoped to net out of the sale.

“That shouldn’t be a problem.”

She then suggested that we list the house higher than we were originally thinking and 8% higher than the price that our realtor would reluctantly list it for!

Where do I sign?

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