Lord of the Castle

I eat almonds for a snack at work. They’re good for you…or me.

And, I can eat them without getting Dunlop’s disease.

You say you’ve never heard of that?

You see men with that condition all of the time if you care to look…That’s where your belly done lopped over your belt!

As I was eating them a few days ago, I felt a little bit of a pain in the back of my mouth.

My gum started swelling. I thought that a piece of almond shrapnel had somehow lodged between my teeth and gum…

I tried to clean it out myself with just about everything that I could get hold of…a toothpick, dental floss, a gum brush…you name it, I tried it.

Las night, my wife made a great salad. However, it had baby carrots in it. It tasted great but every bite was a painful challenge.

This afternoon, when my throat started getting sore, I decided to go to a dentist down the street to get the almond out.

I no sooner sat down in the chair and opened my mouth when the dental assistant nearly gasped.

“I’ve been doing this a long time and I have never seen an absess like that. I don’t think that’s a trapped almond. I want to take an x-ray.”

A cynical thought in my head that she was just trying increase the billable services. The serious tone in her voice and the expression on her face kept me from just walking out.

“How much will that cost?”

“Nothing.”

She really was serious.

She shot the x-ray and I sat in the chair waiting for it to be processed.

I sat there mildly stewing…

“This was just supposed to be a quick ‘in and out’ visit…”

“Why did I come here?…”

“I should have just made an appointment with my regular dentist…”

The next time she appeared, the dentist was with her.

There was no almond to be found. My tooth is infected!

I need a root canal!

Yiikes!

I’ve got to call my dentist because I am going to need a second opinion on that!

They prescribed an antibiotic and told me to take Vicodin for the pain.

Needless to say, I am not feeling very energetic tonight!

Last night, I thought so much that my brain just stopped working. I know from experience that if I proceed in that frame of mind, all I will accomplish is to make new mistakes!

So I went to bed last night pondering a brain teaser. How do I build a ceiling that doesn’t make the room look like one of Willy Wonka’s (the original) weird rooms?

This morning, I woke up with an answer!

The bedroom has vaulted ceilings with a 14′ peak. The bedroom is over 20′ wide.

That is quite a bit of unsupported weight. Here is the theory that popped into my brain this morning…

The roof/ceiling is exerting a downward force. Along the front of the house, the side walls are tied together through the front wall so it can’t go anywhere.

However, the walls at the back of the bedroom have no such support. So, I theorized that the side walls in the rear of the room gave in and moved outward.

I grabbed a level and checked. Sure enough.

Each wall is out about an inch from top to bottom.

I just wish I had thought of this when the previous owners were fixing everything. If I fix it by jacking up the roof, it will cause all of the drywall seams that they just fixed to crack again.

Neither my wife nor I am interested in that.

So, I am just going to proceed with the ceiling. At least it will stop it from any further movement.

I started working on the remodeling of our master bedroom and very quickly discovered a problem.

I am installing a flat ceiling underneath the vaulted ceiling. Essentially, I am making a type of attic. The new ceiling will have R-30 insulation in it thereby keeping the room cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter.

I had no sooner got out my tape and started measuring when I discovered that the rafters in the back of the room is nearly two inches lower than the front of the room!

Yiikes!

This is going to take  some figgerin’.

I have told you on more than one occasion that I literally spent 20 years remodeling and adding on to our house in California. One of my goals was to make the house energy efficient.

The house was a typical 1,600 square feet ranch style house with cathedral ceilings and a 4 ton A/C unit. The rule of thumb in air conditioning is 1 ton cooling capacity for every 400 square feet. So, it was perfectly sized when it was built in 1958.

When we bought it in 1989, it was just under 2,000 square feet. It still had a 4 ton unit. Not perfectly sized…

The undersized A/C unit combined with the vaulted, open beam ceilings in the San Fernando Valley made for a very hot house. That air conditioner would run all day and we would never see 90º!

So, I installed ceilings and insulation, redid the A/C ducting etc., etc. and got the house to where it was truly live-able. We only used the air conditioning on days when the temperature went over 95º.

Near the end of my time in California, I learned about radiant barrier foil and installed it in our new kitchen addition. I never really got to see if it worked.

When I finished the job, I had 1 1/2 boxes left over. Then, the man who introduced me to the product gave me another box that he had left over. Since it costs about &70 a box and I couldn’t think of anyone who would actually use it, I brought them with me to Kansas City.

Do you remember that I told you that I discovered that the master bedroom is really just a very large sauna? What do you think was the first step that I took to try to solve the problem?

You guessed it…that foil that I brought with me because it was too expensive to throw away!

And…guess what?

It is already working. I have only finished about half of the area I plan to cover and the room is already noticeably cooler!

Yahoo! I think my plan is going to work!

I was on the back porch studying the Bible this morning when I heard  my neighbor across the street start mowing his grass.

My first thought was disbelief. It as 7:00 in the morning! Why would he start that early?

I quickly figured it out. My momma dinnit raise no foo!

It has been very hot and humid here the past few days. The heat index (it the “feels like” for summer) has been well into  triple digits.

I then changed from questioning his judgment to thinking that I would be wise to follow his lead! I quickly packed up my stuff and headed to the garage.

Our new mower was still in the box. I bought it the same night that we bought the refrigerator. (might as well milk that 10% coupon for all it’s worth!)

I finished the  ”some assembly required” in about 15 minutes only to run into my next hurdle…

Gasoline…

But, I was not altogether unprepared. I bought a new gas can the same night I bought the mower and the refrigerator. (that 10% coupon thing again)

It was at this point that I got the “brilliant” idea that changed the rest of the day…

“I’ll go to Home Depot and get the material that I need for the master bedroom project and then buy gas on the way home. I’ll get it all done in one trip!”

I then went upstairs to the master bedroom and developed my material list  (let me translate that…I figured out how I was going to build it and what wood I would need to do it. Let’s just say that it took a little time!) and headed to Home Depot.

After loading up Wild Bill, it was then that I realized…

The gas can was in the garage!@*%&

So, much for killing two birds with one stone!

Back to the house, park Wild Bill, get the gas can, hop in the Super Crew and go get the gas.

When I finally pulled that string to start the mower for the very first time, my neighbor was nowhere to be found. He had finished, cleaned up everything and gone back inside.

I finished mowing at 11:00. I am not saying that was the hottest part of the day but it is a long way from the cool of the day!

My shirt was drenched with sweat…and I generally do not sweat!

As I started edging our driveway, I had the beginnings of a heat induced headache.

It’s been awhile since I took a class in the school of hard knocks but at least  I am ready to roll next week!

On the positive side, I am now, officially a mowing Mid-Westerner. All that is left is that barbecue thing.