I need to toughen up. I mean, sometimes I am such an easy touch…
For example, as I sat in the truck outside of Costco, my wife called and asked if I was already outside waiting.
“Yes.”
“I have to buy a few things. Do you want to wait in the truck or come inside?”
I am a man. The answer should have been OBVIOUS.
“I’ll wait in the truck.”
“All right.”
However, there was some small thing in her voice that told me that she really would rather that I come inside. So, being the softy that I am, much to her delight, five minutes later, I went and found her inside the store.
She took me over to taste this new dip “that I’m not going to buy but you have to taste it because it is sooooo goood!”
I took one bite and immediately realized that this was a BIG problem!
“Do you want me to buy it?!”
“NO! THERE IS NO WAY!”
“You don’t like it?”
“Of course, I like it! But how will I ever keep my weight down with this in the house?”
The 4′ something tall woman behind the table with the big blue food service hairnet said to my wife, “Well, I sure couldn’t tell you!”
I started laughing. She continued…
“I’ve been on every diet there has ever been and haven’t lost any weight.”
I went into second stage laughter.
“I’ve been dieting for 50 years and haven’t lost anything!”
Third stage
“In fact, I’m going to start Slim Fast and I am old enough to qualify for their Silver Program so I’ll get a break on the cost.”
At this point, I was helplessly propping my body up on the refrigerated dip display. It was either that or fall to the ground!
“I’ve gained so much weight since I started here. I’ve gained 25 pounds and I’ve only worked here for a year and a half. At this rate, I’ll weigh 500 pounds in 5 years.”
At this point, I couldn’t see anything because my eyes were welded shut. My stomach was about to succeed in wrestling me to the ground despite the help I was receiving from the dip refrigerator.
She moved in for the kill. “They say fat people are jolly! Well, I’m jolly!”
I lifted my left hand (the cracker was still in my right) in surrender, tried to close my mouth to keep from drooling on the floor and begged her not to say another funny thing. I give up! Please!
After I composed my self, my wife took me over to look at some pants!!!!
I should have known this was a trap. I was suckered in because I was a softy, a little woman reduces me to waving a white flag and now this is turning into SHOPPING! I’ve got to get out of here!
