They are really behind!

Posted on 08/15/2009 by RLW3

I planned on spending the day at the library reading and studying to figure out what to do with  our stocks.

As I walked in, I saw a group of homosexuals swooning at pictures of other men on the computer. The next table had young men playing video games on the computer.

And I thought people went to the library to actually learn something…I am so out of touch!

As I headed for an empty table in the corner, I saw a table against the wall covered with tax forms.

I thought, “Why do they still have those out? I can’t believe that they haven’t put those away! It’s August…15th!!!”

Then it hit me. Today is the deadline to file taxes for those people who filed for an extension. I happen to be one of them.

When it came tax time back in April, we couldn’t find Cake’s W-2’s…

so I had to file for an extension.

All this month, I kept reminding myself that the date was approaching. Yet, somehow, a week still mysteriously vanished. One day, it was August 7th and the next day was the 15th! How does that happen?

So, the day at the library went out the window. I hurried home, found her tax information, opened up Turbo Tax, finished in time to print the returns out, pick her up from work so she could sign her returns and get to the post office 10 minutes before it closed!

I sure am glad that those library people were so far behind in their work!

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That’s a long 10K

Posted on 08/13/2009 by RLW3

I arrived in KC last year at the end of March. Once I got settled in, it became VERY obvious that our F150 Super Crew had become the victim of deferred maintenance.

Once we fixed the major problems, smaller problems became more noticeable. One of those was that the front wheels lightly “shimmied” when we used brakes.

The rotors on the front brakes were warped. They mechanic said they couldn’t be saved because they had already been machined once before. They had to be replaced and that would cost $400.

Since I was unemployed at the time, I was really trying to keep our expenses to a minimum.

“How long can I go before they HAVE to be replaced?”

“5,ooo miles…10 if your really careful.”

I figured that the less I used the brakes, the longer they would last. How do you not use your brakes? I had to get creative.

I started anticipating red lights. My goal was to not step on the brakes until I was going 30 MPH or slower. Then I made that the goal of whoever was driving! Guess what? It worked!

Yesterday, 15 months later, the brakes started grinding. The brake pads were won out.

I never recorded the mileage when he said that so I have no idea how many actual miles we drove. However, I do know that it gets used EVERY day. On top of that, we have taken trips to Fargo, ND, Nashville, TN and Denver, CO! That’s over 3,000 miles in three weekends!

And, perhaps because of the recession, the price dropped to fix the brakes dropped from $400 to $285!

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Short sheeted

Posted on 08/11/2009 by RLW3

We received a brochure from Drexel university…they want to sell us a bed linens!

It turns out that they have long twin beds in the dorms and normal twin sheets won’t fit.

But…

lucky for us, they just happen to have three package deals that are just too good to pass up!

At least my wife thinks so…2 sets of sheets, 4 pillowcases, 2 sets of towels, a cute little hamper and all of it “matchy-matchy!”

I really hated to interrupt her flow but sometimes a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do!

“Honey, we are talking about our son.”

That didn’t seem to make any impact at all.

“Why does he need two sets of sheets?”

“Well, that way he will always have a clean one.”

Women! Since when? If my son is anything like the typical young adult male, he will change the sheets when the first set of sheets become unbearable.

“Yes, but then he will be able to wash them and have a clean set waiting.”

“Honey, he’s a guy. He’ll roll them into a ball, throw them in the closet and they will get washed when the second set becomes unbearable. By that time, the first set will be stinking up the whole dorm room! Except he won’t notice because it will be his stink and he kind of likes that smell anyway! He’s a guy!”

I could tell that those thoughts had never crossed her mind. I could see the feminine fog starting to thin a little.

“Think about it…a young man…at college faced with the following decisions…

…go hang out with his friends or wash the sheets?

That’s a tough one but I’m guessing that the friends win.

…sleep in or or wash the sheets?

That is self explanatory. Women will even do that one.

…go to class or wash the sheets?

The sheets better lose this one!

…wrestling or wash the sheets?

The sheets are beginning to stink

…study or wash the sheets?

Maybe the extra set of sheets just might get done.”

I concluded, “We are going to give him one set of sheets and one towel. That way, they will get washed fairly regularly.”

She didn’t really argue much after that.

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Are we going in?

Posted on 08/09/2009 by RLW3

Our son is leaving for college in 4 weeks. My wife informed me that he needs clothes.

It must be a chromosomal thing. To a woman, every event in life is a good reason to spend money.

But, to be fair, I had noticed this myself. It seems that he is either dressed in wrestling shorts and T-shirt or really nice duds from Banana Republic. Rarely is there a happy medium.

She mentioned that she just happened to have a 15% off coupon at Kohl’s.

How could I resist that?

I’m skeptical of such “sales”. When I go into a store, which is a rare event, the sale prices don’t seem all that low to me.

“If that shirt is 50% off, I want to meet the person who paid full price”

My wife has even started to come around to my side. She has noticed that stores mark prices up before such sales.

My wife and son went in as soon as we got there. My youngest daughter and I had a choice, sit in the truck in 96º heat or join them.

As I got out of the truck, my daughter asked, “Are we going in?”

“Do you want to sit out here and bake?”

“No. I just didn’t know we were going in.”

“Well, honey, there are only two options. Either we go in or we sit out here and bake.”

“But you never go shopping…”

We went in. I had a small wave of shopping nausea hit me.

My wife greeted me by showing me this totally EMO sweatshirt with these cute little thumb slots in the ends of the sleeves that my son wanted. My skin started crawling. I felt like John Candy and Steve Martin in Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

“Dude, are you unsure?”

“About what?”

“Your gender! Why don’t you go to the dressing room and do a quick check.

“But Dad, it a Tony Hawk! He a famous skateboarder!”

” He should have stuck with that. I ain’t payin’ for that thing. No way.”

This was not heading in the right direction. So, I dove in. I actually started shopping! But, I promise you that it was strictly self-defense!

I wasn’t having much luck. The prices were nothing to write home about.

Then I found the discount racks!!!

60% off…70% off…80% off! I was looking around for the 100% off rack! Now you’re talking!

I pulled 20 shirts off the racks for him to go try on. I figured we would make it like fishing…catch a bunch, keep the good ones and throw the rest back in the water.

Let’s just say that my wife was less than thrilled with my method.

Howevuh…

we walked out with 8 nice shirts for $80!!!

and my daughter was asking me if I could go shopping with her!

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Looky here!

Posted on 08/07/2009 by RLW3

A year ago, I put most of our savings in the stock market. I figured that it was better than earning 2.4% in a CD.

Boy, was I wrong!

In just a few short months, we had less than half of what we started with!

I was so discouraged that I stopped looking at it.

Then in May, I noticed that two of our stocks were doing well.

I checked this past week and we are almost all of the way back!

Now I have to decision to make.…

Do I say thank you and get out or do I take a chance and keep them in?

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Here comes the lawnmower

Posted on 08/05/2009 by RLW3

Someone decided that the grass was getting a little too tall. It looks like our “green shoots” are getting mowed down.

My son went back to each of the fast food places to follow up on his applications. When they asked him what his plans were, he chose to tell them the truth: that he would be leaving for college in a few weeks. One by one, they turned him down.

Jimmy John’s won’t hire my son because the training period is SIX WEEKS!!! Come on! They’re not making computer chips. It’s a dang sandwich shop! Six weeks for what???

Anyway, it looks like it back to tongue sandwiches for me!

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Our own “green shoots”

Posted on 08/04/2009 by RLW3

There has been much talk in the media about “green shoots” springing up in the economy…

We had our “green shoots” sprout up in our own personal economy today…

Our son went out and looked for a job!

I said it that way for effect.

The truth is that he has tried to find work this summer but his wrestling schedule made it difficult. Hey, scholarship athletes have problems too!

So, he has been sitting around the apartment quite a bit…

and that has caused me quite a bit of consternation.

I have managed to keep my mouth shut for the most part. But, I assure you that it has not been easy. My favorite meal this summer has been tongue. I say that because I have been biting mine almost daily.

We are down to five weeks before he leaves for Drexel. He needs to make some money!

So, today he applied at five fast food places! Let me tell you, I like that a whole bunch. Even if no one hires him, he became a better man today because he refused to become a victim of his circumstances. He exerted himself and tried to change them.

Stay tuned…

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She’s back!

Posted on 08/02/2009 by RLW3

I picked my wife up at the airport this morning.

I was VERY glad to see her…IF you know what I mean!

I may be almost 50 but I’m not old yet!

I know that I have written about this before, but it bears repeating…

Living alone is really overrated!

I mean, I didn’t sit around moping, pining for someone to return home…

I read. I studied. I reorganized the storage facility while I found a few books that I  wanted to read. But after awhile…

it’s nice to talk to someone.

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I’m so vain…I probably think this post is about me

Posted on 07/30/2009 by RLW3

I am a little embarrassed about this one…

but, just a little.

I am going to turn 50 in a few weeks. That’s not bad. I look and feel pretty good “for my age.” I still have a full head of hair. However, it is starting to get pretty thin in some spots.

One of the last things that I did before I left Los Angeles last year was to visit the Regenix office. I had heard their ads on Dennis Prager’s radio show. I liked the fact that they didn’t promise you the moon.”If your bald, your bald.”

I’m not! And, I knew that their product worked for Matthew Mcconaughey. Who knows? Maybe it will work for me and I will look just as good as him!

When I showed up for my appointment, they pulled hair our of four quadrants of my head and examined the hair follicle to see if they could help me. Fortunately, they could. I bought a one month supply ($153! OUCH!) and boarded the plane for KC.

There was no way that I could, in good conscience, start using their product while I was unemployed. That would be more than a little self-indulgent to spend that much money to revive my hair when I didn’t have a job! I would like to save my hair but, let’s be honest…I was never an oil painting to begin with!

Then, when I started working, we had to start rebuilding our savings account. So, the product sat in its original bag in a closet for over a year.

I finally got it out two weeks ago. I still couldn’t justify spending that much money for this so I modified their application instructions. I am only applying it to the place where I am thinning, the top 1/3rd of my head. I can make a one month supply last for three months. That lowers the cost to about $60/month.

If I see results in six months, I will continue using the product. If it doesn’t work, I will have a front row seat at my bathroom mirror to watch my slow but steady transformation into an old man!

That was a tough sentence to write…

I HOPE it works!

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And you thought you were finished with word problems

Posted on 07/28/2009 by RLW3

Every so often, our family runs into logistical challenges that strongly resemble the word problems we had in high school algebra…

We have three vehicles here at the Castle: a 1998 Honda Accord, a 2001 Ford F-150 Super Crew and a 1979 F150 that gets 13 MPG!

The Lord’s wife had to catch a plane this morning in order to go visit friends and family in California. The airport is 35 minutes north and west of our apartment.

The Lord’s son wanted to make the 9 hour drive to Franklin, Tennessee visit his older sister before he leaves for college in a few weeks.

The Lord’s youngest daughter needed to be at the airport at 5:45 P.M. to catch her flight to visit friends and family in California.

The Lord had to go to work in Blue Springs, MO as usual. Work is 30+ miles northeast of our apartment and 30+ miles southeast of the airport.

The Lord doesn’t want to drive the old truck to work because of the gas mileage and he doesn’t want to pay to park all of his cars at the airport all week.

Solve for x.

Answer: Load the Lord, his wife and his son into the Honda. Drop the wife off at the airport. Lord then drives to work. Son will then drive the remaining 8 1/2 hours to Tennessee in the Honda, which means that he will be getting good mileage in a reliable vehicle which gives the Lord of the Castle warm fuzzies all over!

In the evening, have Lord’s youngest daughter pick him up at work in the Super Crew. Lord will then drop her off at the airport to catch her plane. Lord will pay for exactly zero days of parking at the airport which makes him happy.

Lord will then drive the Super Crew to work all week. While the Lord will not be thrilled with the mileage he will get this week, he we quickly appreciate that he is getting better mileage than if he drove Wild Bill. He also will realize that he is driving in much more comfort and style!

An additional benefit is that he will have spent time with each member of his family…

before they deserted him for more entertaining venues!

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