Oh for two

We had been on the road home from Denver for about three hours when my son called me. He is training with the Kansas state freestyle team this week before heading to Fargo, ND to compete in the nationals.

“Dad, a guy had my leg and was trying to take me down. I was fighting him off and my knee popped.”

“What happened?”

“My knee popped.”

“What do you mean, ‘your knee popped’?”

“I mean a ligament popped.”

4 hours ago, my daughter was eliminated from American Idol. Now, my son’s freestyle wrestling season might have just unexpectedly ended!

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That darn shoelace!

Today was the big day…

She finally got to audition for American Idol with at least 10,000 other people at Invesco Field!

The day started early. We were up at 3:45 A.M., in line by 5:00, in our seats by 8:00, finished recording Carrie Underwood’s “Last Night” along with the whole stadium by 9:00. Auditions slowly began about 1/2 hour later.

Because of our registration time, we were seated in the middle. Thus, we baked in the sun for 8 hours while she waited for her turn.

All day long, I heard people either warming up or performing for each other. The more people I heard, the more confident I became. I didn’t hear anyone that came close to Cake’s voice. Maybe all of the really good singers were keeping quiet.

We were seated on the west side of the stadium. The 13 auditioning booths were on the opposite side down on the field. When people sang for the judges, they were singing away from the crowd.

Every so often, you would hear a voice bouncing off the empty seats on the east side of the stadium and rising above all of the noise on the west side. A few were shrieking, trying to make up in volume what they lacked in tone. However, it was obvious that the others had beautiful, strong voices!

Although she sang at 4:30 in the afternoon, Cakes was one of them! When she walked away from the booth without the yellow ticket, I couldn’t believe it!

I know that I wrote about wanting to encourage her to act on the dreams in her heart a few days ago. However, I would not have taken two days of vacation time, volunteered to drive 18 hours and paid for two nights in a hotel if I didn’t think she had a legitimate shot at making it. If my kids aren’t very good, I tell them. Better me than someone else. I am not able to build a real relationship by playing “let’s pretend”.

When I rejoined her outside of the stadium, I asked what happened…

“Something that has never happened. All three times that I went to belt out the high note, my voice didn’t crack but it was thin…I was kind of ‘pitchy’. I was excited but I wasn’t nervous.”

Shoot! Even though I made her drink water all day, she must have been a little dehydrated.

Since it was already 5:00 P.M., we threw our stuff in the truck and went to get gas. As I was filling the truck, I realized that I was already pretty tired. There was no chance that I would last the whole 9 hour drive home.

We headed to the Starbucks drive through and told the attendant that I needed a bunch of caffeine because I had to drive my daughter back to KC because she was just eliminated from American Idol.

A girl joined the young man on the mike. They were so excited! They asked if she would sing for them. When we pulled forward, Cakes got out of the truck, walked up to the ‘Pick Up’ window and sang for them. Naturally, they went ga-ga.

When she got into the truck, she said, “If I had sang that good, I would have made it.”

Huh??? I thought it was good but it wasn’t her best. “You didn’t even sing that good?”

“No.”

It must not have been dehydration! We had a bunch of time on hour hands, so we started analyzing.

Here is what we uncovered…

She was the first to go in her group, so she rushed a little bit and started a half note higher than she planned to. But, that shouldn’t have been a problem.

The real problem was that she never warmed up at full volume. After her performance at Starbucks, it became obvious that she should have. She would have known that her voice was little thin and could have made adjustments.

There was a reason that she didn’t…

All day long, we would see and hear people singing aloud. Some were really singing. However, most of the others were desperately trying to get someone to pay attention to them. Cakes didn’t want to be like that so she just warmed up softly.

To me, it feels like tripping on an untied shoelace! Next year, she’ll blow the hair off everyone around her and then go audition!

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I wonder if I scared him off

(I originally wrote this on June 18th. A certain unnamed party persuaded a permanently biased judge to issue a temporary injunction against its publication. The legal wrangling has finally ended and the banned post can now be made public)

I don’t have the greatest set of social skills. I tend to be too honest.

I don’t say that in the sense of virtue. I say it in the sense of that I reveal too much to people I probably shouldn’t.

Maybe I should say that I am often too transparent. I could probably use a little more opacity in my life…

So far in life, I have been blessed in that it hasn’t come back to burn me. However, I frequently walk around with the uneasy question in my mind, “Should I have said that?”

I tell you that because I had a big one tonight…

A few weeks ago, my oldest daughter warned me that a prospective beau would be calling me to ask if he could court her. This is the same fellow who called several months ago to ask my permission to date her. That question was easy. This one is in a whole different league.

I asked her if she was asking me to really be the gatekeeper or was I to merely imitate a bullfighter who waves the red cape and lets the bull rush by him while the crowd shouts “Olé!” She wanted me to be the gatekeeper.

One of the difficulties of life is trying to handle situations that you have never been in before. What am I supposed to say? What are we supposed to talk about? How should I know? How much money do you make?…

The “contemporary” version of courtship is dating to see if the couple wants to “pursue” marriage. It strikes me as very similar to what was called “going steady” in previous generations. Me no like a that!

I looked up the definition of courtship in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary and this is what I found:

1. The act of soliciting favor.

2. The act of wooing in love; solicitation of a woman to marriage.

That’s not dating to see if you want to pursue marriage! That is trying to convince the girl that you are the  one! That means that the man has already made up his mind! It also means, if he’s going to do it right, that he has gained permission from the girl’s parents to pursue and persuade their daughter.

Instead of them pursuing marriage, which sounds like work, the man is pursuing the woman! That sounds like fun!

The young man called tonight…

In the beginning of the call, I asked him questions about his life, his dreams, his plans.

I then decided to jump into the deep end of the pool…

I asked what his thoughts were concerning physical displays of affection before marriage…

I liked what I heard.

As I listened to him, I was like an old-fashioned tea kettle on the stove just before it whistles to let you know that the water is hot. After an awkward pause, he asked what I thought…

I proceeded to tell him…

I went well past merely “sharing” my views on said subject. I included the psychological, sociological and theological reasons behind them at no extra cost! And he actually listened!

Was I supposed to do that? How should know!

We never quite made it to the actual intended question…

In fact, I told him that I didn’t even like the question that he was going to ask.

“If you are calling me to ask me if you can date my daughter to see if you REALLY want to date her, I am not interested in that conversation. But if you are going to tell me that you are sure my daughter is the one for you, that you cannot live without her and you can convince me that you are the man for her so that I will give you my permission to pursue and persuade her, I am very much interested in having that conversation!”

I was not at all surprised when he said that he wasn’t quite ready for that.

Stay tuned…

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As easy as pie

We left Overland Park at 6:00 A.M and arrived in Denver at 2:00 P.M. (Mountain Time) as planned. Outside of 10-15 minutes in a torrential downpour with strong gusting winds that were almost creating waves in the water on the freeway and lightning flashing all around, the drive was uneventful and pleasant.

When we pulled up to Invesco Field, there were three cars in the parking lot! I immediately wondered if we had the wrong dates, the wrong city, etc. No, this was the place and today was the day…

It seems that everyone came at 5:00 in the morning. Of course you know what that meant for us…

NO LINES! and therefore no waiting!

In less than 1o minutes, we were registered and back on the road to get something to eat and to find a place to sleep for the night.

Nice!!!

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Just drop the ‘L’

I guess it wouldn’t be Fargo time without having to overcome a significant injury…

Last year at about this time, one of the top Junior wrestlers in the country rammed his head into Big A’s sternum during a Mo-West practice. He was in pain right up to and through the tournament.

This year, that same wrestler, now an All American in college, came back for the club’s last workout before departing for North Dakota. Since Big A has been pretty much whipping everyone else they have put him up against, in the last 15 minutes of his last full Mo-West practice ever, the coaches paired them up again.

The guy bear hugged him from behind, arched backward and threw him to the mat. Big A’s legs followed his torso and whipped his feet into the mat very hard. He went from flat feet to fat feet in one smooth move!

He was limping pretty bad almost immediately so we went to see the doctor.

Thankfully, the X-rays came back negative. However, he has very painful soft tissue damage called “turf toe”. The doctor, who was a top level wrestler in his day, prescribed a new anti-inflammatory ointment, told him to keep it iced. The recovery time should be about 3-5 days.

He leaves for the Kansas team training camp on Monday.

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Sorry, son, but that is reality

Time continues to move swiftly. Fargo is now just two weeks away.

This week, my son had a change in his training schedule so he has been taking me to work and heading directly to the morning practice. He comes back and we eat lunch together.

This morning, my wife gave each of us a bowl of her chili in our lunch bags. We found a picnic table and got down to the task at hand, two men silently enjoying a very practical manifestation of God’s goodness, spoonful by delicious, savory spoonful. That chili was SOOO good!

I was just enjoying the moment when my thoughts momentarily left the chili to the fact that I don’t have much more time with this young man. And then, almost immediately, I had two simple but significant realizations…

He is leaving for college…

I am not…

I saw a delicious opportunity (forgive the pun) to both make an important impression and have fun with him at the same time…

“You’re going to be leaving for college in just a few short weeks.”

“I know.”

“You’re excited about IT?” as I took another bite of chili.

“Yeah.” He took a bite.

“I think it’s going to be good. It’s going to be a great time of learning. Your going to realize a bunch of things.”

I took another bite.

He looked at me with a quizzical expression on his face and took another bite.

“One of the things that you are going to realize…”

I took another bite…

“is that the woman who made this chili married me and not you.”

He winced ever so slightly.

You might say that is cold hearted of me. I disagree.

First, since we aren’t going to be shipping him food via FedEX, that means that his days of enjoying his mom’s cooking are rapidly drawing to a close. He needs to appreciate how blessed he has been. It might turn out to be much easier to cut weight for wrestling at Drexel than it has been at home!

Second, he also needs to realize that he needs to trust God to bring him a wife. That realization should cause him to grow in his relationship with God and spur him to fully become a man.

Third, he might want to believe for a woman who can cook!

“Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl.”

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OUCH!

When I was younger, Fram Oil Filters ran an ad campaign featuring a mechanic sporting a thick New York accent and a knowing grin in front of a broken down car saying “You can pay me now or pay me later”. Here is the print ad.

The idea was that you either chose to incur a little bit of pain now (the cost of an oil change) 0r you WOULD experience a great deal of pain later (the cost of a new engine).

That principle doesn’t just apply to the internal combustion engine. A fair amount of the pain in our lives is caused either by our inability or by our unwillingness to learn the easy way. So, we eventually learn by pain. Sometimes we just refuse to learn at all and just repeatedly suffer pain.

In my experience, the most frequent form of pain that we must undergo is associated with change. Usually the change is really quite small. However, human beings are not prone to make changes easily. We fight it for a variety of reasons: it will break up our routine, it is inconvenient, we are too lazy, we will look stupid, no one else is doing it, etc., etc.

I continue trying to learn the easy way as much as possible. For the last 25 years, I have tried to cultivate the “habit of action.” When I get an idea, discover something that bothers me or see something that I need to change, I try to do it right away. That is when my motivation is the highest and my excuses are the weakest.

Unfortunately, I find that I have to learn the hard way when I am unwilling to make the necessary changes in my behavior that are exposed the easy way.

I had just such an incident Wednesday night.

I wrote the Sunday and Monday’s posts on Tuesday evening. I was really happy with them. I felt inspired while writing them.

However, yesterday afternoon, I accidentally deleted both of them. Over an hour’s worth of creative genius (LOL) vaporized with a few quick keystrokes! Pain! Ouch!

I still can’t figure out exactly how I made that mistake.

In desperation, I called the hosting company. They last backed up my database, you guessed it, on Monday night!

They are not obligated to do it at all. They do this as a courtesy. I knew this before I called. I knew that if the database that holds all of my posts ever crashed, I would lose quite a bit of our great family history.

But…what is the likelihood of that happening? I have a good hosting company…Besides, I don’t have time for that. It is a big enough challenge to write a daily (almost) post. I’m sure it will be all right.

Oh the excuses were flowing real good!

And, it turned out that I was right. The hosting company is reliable. The database is stable. My problem turned out to be my own thinking and decision making.

So, I spent yesterday evening rewriting those two posts. I didn’t feel anywhere near the same level of inspiration.

And started copying the contents of this blog to my computer…

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Wewease the secwet weapon!

Prior to moving to Kansas City, we taught our children at home. That meant that my son’s options for athletics were somewhat limited.

He played Pee Wee football until he was 15 years old.

In the first game of his last season, my wife and I noticed that he couldn’t run for the last half of the game. I mean that literally. Instead, he shuffled…slowly.

That is not a good thing if you are a linebacker and expected to chase down the guy with the ball. It was painful to watch him.

Initially, we thought he was just tired. When it happened in the second game, we asked him what the problem was. He told us that his feet hurt.

No wonder! My son has flat feet.

I’m sorry. I didn’t communicate that very clearly…

My son’s feet are FL-A-A-A-A-A-T!

A sports medicine guy told us that on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst, he ranks a 9.

We bought him some orthotic inserts and, voila!, the next game he could run!

…not exactly like a deer but he could actually run.

He outgrew the inserts very quickly and when we went to get him refitted, we learned that the store had gone out of business. Then we moved to Kansas City, and…we never replaced them.

In just a few weeks, we will be taking our son to Philadelphia for college. My mind is thinking of last minute things that we can do to help him get off to a successful start. The story I just shared with you crossed my mind and it dawned on me…

He has been complaining about his knees and ankles…hmmmm…

His feet are still flat! I ought to buy him some new inserts!

What a coincidence! He has just enough time to get completely acclimated to them before he wrestles in the Junior National Freestyle Championship three weeks from now.

I have a sneaky suspicion that with his feet and ankles and knees and hips and back being properly aligned, he might just wrestle a little better…kinda like how water flows more freely after you take the kink out of the hose!

If you have seen the animated movie “Feivel Goes West”, I might have just “weweased the secwet weapon!”

Stay tuned…

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A time to leave, a time to return

Thirty two years ago today, I boarded a plane in Philadelphia as a 17 year old with two large suitcases  and $800 in my pocket and took my first flight to Los Angeles, CA.

In two short months, my wife and I will take our 18 year old son back to the land of my youth to attend my father’s alma mater.

My immediate family will see my complete family for the first time in more than a decade.

It strikes me that I should have some profound insight at this moment.

I don’t.

It just seems significant.

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It’s time to stop talking about it

If everything goes according to plan, in six days my youngest daughter and I will be driving to Denver, CO.

We will then spend the next two days standing in REALLY long lines with thousands (perhaps tens of thousands) of other people at INVESCO Field (formerly Mile High Stadium) and then drive 9 hours back to Kansas City.

Please understand that I am one of those people who can’t stand waiting in line…anywhere…at the bank…on the freeway…at traffic lights.

It’s not that am always in a big hurry. I just have a NEED to make progress. Whenever I am forced to wait, my insides start churning because I hear the clock that holds the moments of my life ticking.

So why am I going to Denver to stand in line?

So Cakes can audition for AMERICAN IDOL!

It’s a long shot. I know that. She knows that. Although we decided only one week ago, we have each had thoughts run through our heads like “what the heck do you think you are doing?” and “who are you kidding?”

No one, actually.

There are always plenty of  “good reasons” not to try something like this. However, those “good reasons” are not without their own costs.

Our hearts were made to be laboratories where dreams and ideas form. Unfortunately, most people’s hearts are filled with discouragement and resignation. There are two primary reasons for this.

More than a few people find it too painful to dream. They started out life trying to turn a dream into a reality only to have the difficulties of life and/or the people around them slowly but steadily grind their once bright hopes into powder. Now, the thought of pursuing a dream conjures up painful memories and internal accusations of “how foolish they were.”

Too many others have lost the ability to dream. Their heart has atrophied like an unused muscle because they never acted on any of the ideas that they got. Instead of taking a chance and launching out, they chose to play it safe, listening to everybody and their brother tell them why it won’t work. They chose the relative safety and security of dieing slowly rather than face the very real possibility of failing. Now they just go through the motions, fulfilling their obligations, merely playing their part.

I have personally battled the first obstacle as I have faced more than a few disappointments in my life. I am determined that my children do not fall into the second category.

I want my children to dream big dreams. I want them to be great and do great things. One of the primary laws of psychology is that you get more of whatever you reward. Act on the small dreams that you already have in your heart and you will get more.

Cakes has been dreaming of this for 5 years. This year she is finally old enough to audition.

When we were discussing it, Cakes began to get sheepish and started talking about next year, etc. I pressed her

“Is it in your heart to do this?”

She started to ramble

“Cakes, is it in your heart to do this?”

She paused and then started to qualify

“Just answer my question!”

“Yes.”

“Then you need to do it!”

We’ve been talking about it for five years. It’s time to take action!

Her dream has been to audition. If she makes it to the next round, great. If not, what was once just a dream in her heart will become a memory for life!

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