Lord of the Castle

As I reflected on yesterday’s post, I grew very encouraged.

While it is true that my wife and I are entering a VERY different season and it is true that I feel a bit unsteady because of the change, it is also true that I have been preparing for this season for past 20 years!

Throughout our marriage, I have demonstrated that my relationship with my wife as the first and most important part of our family. I based this on the fact that God said that things were VERY good after He had made Adam and Eve. There were no children present at the time. Just the man and his wife.

Over the years, my children learned that, although we loved them dearly and daily laid down our lives for their benefit, our marriage came first. Mama was always most important in Daddy’s heart.

To the best of my ability, I also tried to help my wife remember that she was first my wife and then a mother. It seems that too many women are content to posit their identity in being a mother and too many husbands are willing to go along with that.

It is too easy to allow the children to become the center of the home. Children are constantly growing, constantly needing attending to, constantly needing to be taught and trained, etc. However, if we just give in to the gravitational pull of our children’s lives, we should not be surprised to find that we have no relationship with our spouse when their children are grown and have moved out of the house. The relationship has all been centered around the “work” of raising the children and now that work is largely complete. The focal point of the relationship has completed.

Thankfully, I have been planning and preparing for this season for many years. I am excited to see how our love will grow!

As my wife and drove to the Farmer’s Market, we were talking about all of the changes unfolding in our lives.

Our marriage started with a whirlwind. I was a full-time student at UCLA, working 24 hours per week and was the director of the campus outreach. She was working as a waitress. We had our first child before we had our first anniversary. God evidently wanted us to jump right into being a family. So, we had very little time to be just a “couple.”

I always thought that we would have that time later in life. Well, that time is rapidly approaching and it feels a little strange. To be honest, I don’t know what it will be like.

Over the years, we have always had so many responsibilities making demands on our time. Now, we have very little.

For the past 27 years, we have had an extensive network of church friends. We are just starting to get plugged into the church that we have been attending and still have not made any meaningful new friends. So, our rapidly approaching time as a “couple” seems intensified. We will largely have only each other.