A burgeoning new sport?

This is a common sight in my neck of the woods. Deer seem to be everywhere in both states…

No, I don’t mean Kansas and Missouri…

I mean dead or alive!

It is very rare to drive a road or freeway for any length of time without seeing one lying dead on the side of the road.

This sign is about 1 minute from my house on a reasonably busy two lane road. When I hopped in the car, I thought I should probably get a shot of  a deer while I am at it since they are there nearly every day, eating and glamming it up on the side of the road.

Sure enough, as soon as I got a shot of the sign, an actual critter popped out of the woods for his cameo.

Most people think they are cute. The people who regularly see them in their yards hate them.The universal complaint is that they eat everything in sight! For instance, my mother, who is a very caring woman calls them large rodents.

Since we haven’t tried growing anything yet, we still think that they are cute.

On our way home from church yesterday, I saw one of these ever present signs. But something caught my eye…

Something was different…

I couldn’t quite figure it out so I stopped the truck and backed up. This is what I saw…

Now that looks like fun!

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Still got the touch

Our church had an outreach in a park near the famous Country Club Plaza yesterday afternoon.

After successfully changing the blog picture, I washed the construction grime off of me and started to head out the door.

Then, an idea whacked me upside the head…

“There’s a Jack Stack restaurant just a few blocks from the park…

“I have a $50 gift certificate to Jack Stack thanks to winning a bet with our realtor a few months back…

“The event gets over at 7:00…

“My wife likes Jack Stack…

“She is already at the park…

Now, I didn’t do very much higher math but all of those thoughts seem to add up to a great idea!

Especially when you  consider that she just finished her finals on Thursday and will be driving down to Fort Worth, TX to attend the Southwest Believer’s Convention tomorrow morning!

It couldn’t have worked out better…

I no sooner got to the park when the pastor introduced me to an international student from Iraq. After a long talk, I decided to casually “wander off” to go make a  7:00 reservation.

They don’t take reservations on the weekend!

I walked back and sat down near the booth that Bunch was manning (or womanning?). Fifteen minutes later, she asked one of the organizers for the location of the nearest bathroom.

They pointed to a nearby port-o-potty. My wife decided that she would rather explode than use a portable toilet in a public park

I saw my opportunity…

“Do you want to leave early?”

She thought for a moment…We were supposed to stay until 7:00 but her bladder evidently had other plans…

“Sure.”

We folded the chairs, loaded them in the trunk, hopped in the car and took off. I made a right turn and headed toward the restaurant.

“Why are you going this direction?”

“You have to go to the bathroom.”

“Awww!”

Can it get any better? I am in the midst of surprising her AND I get to play the part of the altruistic heroic husband in the process!!!

As we walked toward the restaurant, she asked, “Where are we going?”

I pointed to Jack Stack.

“Why?”

“I figure that they have a nice bathroom for you.”

Now, you may think that is corny. How could she not have seen it coming?

Ah, but that is where I excel…

I’ve tried this very thing before…and failed miserably.

So, it entirely believable that I would do something like this. You talk about turning an old lemon into lemonade…

She did not have the slightest suspicion as we walked into the waiting area.

While she went to use the facilities, I requested a table for two.

“That will be a 5-10 minute wait.”

I thought, “I can pull that off.”

She took awhile. (I guess she really did have to go!)

When she came out, I pretended that I now needed to go.

I took my time.

We then walked outside and I asked, “Where do you want to go?”

“Well, I’m not really that hungry but I would love to go wherever you want to go.”

At that very moment, the buzzer quietly went off in my pocket.

I cooly pulled it out and said, “How about here?”

She never saw it coming!!!

I am SO  the man…just ask my wife!!!

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Not as easy as you might think…

I started the day working on the bedroom remodel. Since my dentist used my mouth to polish up on his trench warfare skills yesterday, I wasn’t feeling all that energetic and only lasted until the early afternoon.

So, what to do?

Although I was plenty tired, I was too grungy to lay down anywhere.

With the temperatures in the 90’s and the humidity being so high, I decided that it was time to change the main picture on this blog. The snow motif had lost a little of its impact…

OK, it had become totally irrelevant…

In fact, it probably made you wonder why does he have that picture?

Do you want to know why? Because it is a pain in the tail to change it.

You probably think that you just port it from your camera, drop it in a folder and presto.

Au contraire, mi amigo!

Step 1-take the picture. (The picture that is up now is from early spring. I will be taking a summer one the next time I drive by the sculpture.)

Step 2-download it to the computer

Step 3-Go to your hosting service

Step 4-Remember your password…

Hmm, the one that I used for the past several years doesn’t work…

Oh, that’s right! They made me change it awhile ago for security purposes. What was my new one?

Not that…

not that…

not that…

I give up.

Step 5-Click “Don’t remember you password”

Step 6-Open the e-mail and reset your password

Step 7-Log in to your control panel

Step 8-wind your way through all of the obscurely named folders to find where the images are stored.

Step 9-Upload the picture to that folder.

Step 10-Find the place in the code that determines which picture to call up.

Step 11-Celebrate inside as you open up the blog to see you handiwork

Step 12-Resist panic when you see a blank area on your screen

I won’t bore you with the rest. I think you get the idea.

This is the World Wide Web’s anti-12 step program because I am sure that it has driven someone somehwere to take up drinking.

Anywah, just thought you should know that the new picture actually took a heroic effort on my part.

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That sucker was in there!

My dentist called me back this morning. He had an opening at 11:00.

I have had a genetic gum disease my whole life. It is most likely that I got it from my paternal grandfather who was able to eat thanks to a complete set of dentures.

I have written posts about the trials of gum surgery.

When I got in the chair, he immediately agreed with the earlier assessment…

I have a problem!

However, he said that a root canal wouldn’t help because most of the bone underneath the tooth is gone. (I don’t fully understand what I just wrote!)

He gave me a choice between pulling the tooth or another expensive, painful gum surgery that still might not save the tooth. Even if it did, it wouldn’t rebuild the bone that has been eaten away.

He left it up to me.

“Will I be able to eat?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s pull it.”

When he finished shooting the area with novacaine, tears were streaming down my cheeks

He then grabbed his pliars and started pulling.

The tooth didn’t budge.

He improved his bodily position and pulled again…hard. His arms started to shake.

The tooth didn’t budge.

“Are you sure you want to pull this tooth?”

After more discussion, I decided to stick with my original decision.

Once again, he picked up the pliars and gave it his best.

The tooth didn’t budge.

He broke out the drill. As the smell of burnt tooth (I hate that smell) filled the air, his confidence grew.

“OK, that should do it.”

He grabbed the pliars and pulled…

I don’t know if he was talking to me or my tooth but he started muttering while he was pulling, “Man, you are really put together well…You are really well built!”

The tooth still didn’t budge.

He drilled some more…

then pulled some more…

Nothing!

Now he was starting to get irritated, kind of like a mechanic who can’t get that one last bolt out.It was as if my tooth was challenging his manhood, taunting him…

“Is that all you got?…

I’ll bet you expect the fish to just jump in your boat when you go fishing too…

Come in here with that weak sauce…

Maybe you should get the nurse…she might be ablt to get me out!”

He grabbed the drill again a little faster than the previous two times and went to work. Did I ever tell you that I don’t like the smell of burnt tooth?

He grabbed the pliars this time with determination. That tooth is going to come out!

He pulled again. His arms started quivering again and finally, begrudgingly, my tooth gave up the ghost.

The nurse came around the corner just as he was raising it out of my mouth and said, “Wow, that’s a big one!”

He looked at the tooth and immediately said, “We made the right decision (to pull it)…I don’t know how…but we made the right decision.”

Now, back to the Vicodin.

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It wasn’t almond shrapnel after all!

I eat almonds for a snack at work. They’re good for you…or me.

And, I can eat them without getting Dunlop’s disease.

You say you’ve never heard of that?

You see men with that condition all of the time if you care to look…That’s where your belly done lopped over your belt!

As I was eating them a few days ago, I felt a little bit of a pain in the back of my mouth.

My gum started swelling. I thought that a piece of almond shrapnel had somehow lodged between my teeth and gum…

I tried to clean it out myself with just about everything that I could get hold of…a toothpick, dental floss, a gum brush…you name it, I tried it.

Las night, my wife made a great salad. However, it had baby carrots in it. It tasted great but every bite was a painful challenge.

This afternoon, when my throat started getting sore, I decided to go to a dentist down the street to get the almond out.

I no sooner sat down in the chair and opened my mouth when the dental assistant nearly gasped.

“I’ve been doing this a long time and I have never seen an absess like that. I don’t think that’s a trapped almond. I want to take an x-ray.”

A cynical thought in my head that she was just trying increase the billable services. The serious tone in her voice and the expression on her face kept me from just walking out.

“How much will that cost?”

“Nothing.”

She really was serious.

She shot the x-ray and I sat in the chair waiting for it to be processed.

I sat there mildly stewing…

“This was just supposed to be a quick ‘in and out’ visit…”

“Why did I come here?…”

“I should have just made an appointment with my regular dentist…”

The next time she appeared, the dentist was with her.

There was no almond to be found. My tooth is infected!

I need a root canal!

Yiikes!

I’ve got to call my dentist because I am going to need a second opinion on that!

They prescribed an antibiotic and told me to take Vicodin for the pain.

Needless to say, I am not feeling very energetic tonight!

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Can I get a witness?

The woman who taught our children to play piano called my wife today. Over the years, she and my wife have  become very good friends.

The conversation took a little bit of a strange turn this time.

“I have two guys that might be possibilities for Bean (our oldest daughter).”

When my wife expressed surprise at the change of subject, the piano teacher said, “Well, these guys are a little shy…They’re not players like Big A.”

Huhhh?

Players like Big A???

A decidedly unhip 64 year old piano teacher called my son a “playuh”!

My darling sweet son???

The one who I have repeatedly confronted about his light but nearly constant flirting with members of the opposite sex???

Your honor, the prosecution rests!

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So, that’s what happened

Last night, I thought so much that my brain just stopped working. I know from experience that if I proceed in that frame of mind, all I will accomplish is to make new mistakes!

So I went to bed last night pondering a brain teaser. How do I build a ceiling that doesn’t make the room look like one of Willy Wonka’s (the original) weird rooms?

This morning, I woke up with an answer!

The bedroom has vaulted ceilings with a 14′ peak. The bedroom is over 20′ wide.

That is quite a bit of unsupported weight. Here is the theory that popped into my brain this morning…

 

The roof/ceiling is exerting a downward force. Along the front of the house, the side walls are tied together through the front wall so it can’t go anywhere.

However, the walls at the back of the bedroom have no such support. So, I theorized that the side walls in the rear of the room gave in and moved outward.

I grabbed a level and checked. Sure enough.

Each wall is out about an inch from top to bottom.

I just wish I had thought of this when the previous owners were fixing everything. If I fix it by jacking up the roof, it will cause all of the drywall seams that they just fixed to crack again.

Neither my wife nor I am interested in that.

So, I am just going to proceed with the ceiling. At least it will stop it from any further movement.

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A real headscratcher

I started working on the remodeling of our master bedroom and very quickly discovered a problem.

I am installing a flat ceiling underneath the vaulted ceiling. Essentially, I am making a type of attic. The new ceiling will have R-30 insulation in it thereby keeping the room cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter.

I had no sooner got out my tape and started measuring when I discovered that the rafters in the back of the room is nearly two inches lower than the front of the room!

Yiikes!

This is going to take  some figgerin’.

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Do I want a what???

They say that man makes the habit and then the habit makes the man.

One habit that I have been practicing for years is a weekly 24 hour fast on Thursdays.

Today was my day.

Fast days are wildly unique. Some days it is a piece of cake. Others are like Chinese water torture. You never know how it is going to go.

Today was a tough one.

By 9:00, I was SO tired. I mean REALLY tired…yawning every few minutes, rubbing my head to try and dispel the headache clouds that were forming inside…

It was so bad that I decided I had to get a cup of coffee. After all, I can’t tell my boss that I can’t work because I feel absolutely miserable.

“Why do you feel miserable?”

“Because I’m not eating.”

Whose fault is that???

I told my boss that I needed to step out for 10 minutes and went to the Starbucks down the street.

As I said, I was not feeling too energetic or very bright. I walked in and started staring at the menu above the counter.

A pretty, young blonde woman at the register asked, “May I help you?”

“I need caffeine.”

She nodded as if to silently say, “Okay…You are in a Starbucks…We sell coffee…Coffee has caffeine.”

“I usually get a Chai…”

“Chai has caffeine!”

“I know. But I need more than the usual.”

“Well, we can put a shot of espresso in the chai.”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t quite imagine what that would taste like so I winced and said, “Okay, I’ll try it.”

I must not have been very convincing because she obviously felt the need to confirm my order…

“So, you want a dirty chai?”

I couldn’t believe my ears…”What did you say?”

“Would you like a dirty chai?”

My jaw dropped. In my groggy state, I was having a difficult time believing that I was still at Starbucks and that she was talking about coffee!

The air in the place changed. I felt my cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry…that’s what all of our customers call it.”

I turned away from the register and tried to cool off.

“How about if I walk outside, come back in and we start over?”

She looked at me helplessly…

I pulled myself together enough to say “Go ahead, that’s fine.”

“Do you want it cold or hot?”

Of course!!! Of course she is going to ask me that It’s her job!

And of course, I, knowing that I am very susceptible to “brain freezes” when I drink cold drinks, have to tell her how I like it.

Usually, I answer the question in such a way that you would wonder why anyone would order differently than me. But not this time…

I felt like a little kid who is admitting that he disobeyed his parents and then lied about it. My mouth barely opened just wide enough to let the word walk out of my mouth for all the world to hear…

“Hot…”

A new wave of embarrassment spread across my face. I felt like I needed to call up my wife and admit to ordering coffee in a lascivious manner…

“Honey, a pretty young blonde asked me if I wanted a dirty chai…I said ‘Yes’…Then I told her that I want it hot! I am so sorry!”

I paid for the drink and moved away from the scene of the crime over to where the drinks are made. But, my humiliation wasn’t quite finished…

Just as I was starting to regain my composure, the young man who actually made the drink looked at the cup, raised his eyebrows and said “Chai with espresso…”

He then looked at me…

“Bold move.”

I tried to keep my mouth shut but I couldn’t help wondering if he was taking advantage and piling on so I asked, “Why do you say that?”

“Because people usually like their tea or their coffee and most don’t want like the tastes mixed.”

Great! It’s just coffee! Nothing to be embarrassed about!

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Didn’t see that one coming!

I posted several posts recently (6/22, 25 & 26) about confronting my son about his character. I have spoken to him on two more occasions since those posts.

The primary issue is how focused he has been on young women. In particular, a girl that he met at church. And not just any girl…

A very pretty girl who does not have a boyfriend!

She has been sucking up his time better than a Dyson vacuum cleaner! And I don’t think he minds. In fact, I am not even saying it is her fault. He might be the initiator for all I know.

Anyway, I don’t think that it is good and have told him so as plainly and clearly as I am capable…

and I think that I am pretty skilled at clearly communicating parental displeasure!

Why do I think it is wrong?

Because “God made them male and female.”

What does that mean?

If you put a pretty female in the company of a strong young man too long and too often, regrets can develop very quickly!

The opposite sex tends to have a lobotomizing effect on a human being. By that I mean it is all to easy to forget who you are or where you are in life and where you are going.

Still not clear? Let me put it anothe way…

If you walk along the edge of a muddy creek long enough, you are going to fall in…

If you lie down with dogs long enough, eventually you are going to get flees…

If you light a match next to a gas can, you just might have an explosion…

Now, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. He has maintained a level of moral purity in the physical area of life that is very rare these days. It is just that is seems to be preoccupied with the thought.

In both his mother and my opinions, he has much more important things to set his sights on right now and both of us have been and are VERY concerned.

When I got home today, he informed me that they were finished! (not that they were ever officially an item. Unofficially, yes. Officially, definitely not!)

When I asked him to explain it to me, it turns out that the critical issue that convinced both of them that their was no future in their relationship was their views on the Trinity! He believes one way and she believes another and neither one is willing to budge for the other.

Unbelievable! Don’t get me wrong. I am really, really glad. But I’ve never heard of such a thing!

It wasn’t that his father disapproved. It wasn’t that his mother strongly disapproved. The disapproval of each of his three sisters didn’t seem to matter. It was theology!

And to my knowledge, he has never been explicitly taught the doctrine of the Trinity.

Talk about an unexpected answer to prayer!

Whatever! God can answer prayer any way He wants to. That is fine with me!!!

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