My muted version of Halloween

Posted on 10/31/2009 by RLW3

I don’t like Halloween.

I used to get grief from my friends at church because I didn’t celebrate it…at all.

But now that I have moved to Kansas and don’t really have church friends, I decided to go with the flow.

I started early this morning.

Since there are always people running on the sidewalks in our neighborhood, I decided that I would make my rounds dressed as a jogger!

I think my costume was really authentic and did I ever act the part!

After about 3 miles, I grew a little tired of my costume so I took my sweatshirt off, threw it over my shoulders and started imitating a walker!

After about 15 steps, I decided to just give up on the whole thing and resumed my real identity as a huffing and puffing red-faced 50 year old man.

I ended the night with what is becoming a new family tradition…

standing with my wife in a long line at the local Chipotle. I was wearing an aluminum foil Indian headband and feather that my wife made for me.

The free food was worth it!

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A difference of opinion

Posted on 10/30/2009 by RLW3

I got home from work late today. I had just emptied all of the lunch dishes out of my lunch bag into the kitchen sink when my youngest daughter, Cakes, came out of her bedroom all dressed in black.

She works tonight.

“”Hi, dad”

“Hi.”

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Look at this!”

She then reached down and grabbed the bottom of her pant leg and pulled it up to her knee and then lifted her leg up to show me her calf…

Her leg was covered in hair! I mean, like man hair!

I have to tell you that I was surprised by my reaction. I don’t even know if I really agree with myself but I said…

“Wow! That’s cool!”

It was cool. You rarely see a girl with hairy legs…and they were HAIRY! I was impressed!

She was giddy…”I know! It is!”

She squealed, “Mom thinks it is disgusting! Her face was all crinkled up when she said it.”

Then she giggled, “I want to see how long I can grow it!”

I think that it is great. She’s 16 and she will be able to talk about it for the rest of her life.

But, there is an additional consideration…

In the movie “Return to Me,” Bonnie Hunt’s character gave her friend Grace (Minnie Driver) the following advice for her first date with Bob: “Don’t shave your legs!”

“Why?”

“Because…then you won’t let it go too far.”

“Megan, it’s a first date.”

“Yeah, well, I married a first date, missy. You know how it is…You’re out with a guy…and you find him attractive…and then suddenly everything they say sounds brilliant…Hairy legs are your only link to reality.”

My daughter’s virtue looks to be VERY safe!

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Not acting my age

Posted on 10/28/2009 by RLW3

Something fun happened to me yesterday…

two different times…

As I approached a 69 year old co-worker, I said, “What’s up old man?”

Lest he be offended, I followed up with, “I call you that because I can…The number of people I can say that to keeps getting smaller and smaller every year.”

“How old are you?”

“Fifty.”

He was visibly and physically taken aback! I guess he must think that I look younger than that.

About an hour later, I was on the phone with a customer. He, being a Yankee fan started the call by rubbing in the fact that they just beat my team, the LA Angels.

I took my whipping like a man.

He then asked, “So, who are you rooting for in the World Series?”

“Well, I’m from New Jersey so I guess I should be rooting for the Phillies.”

“Wait…I thought you told me that you were from California?”

“Well, after living there for 31 years, I think that counts as being from there!”

“Yeah, it does. But how long did you live in New Jersey?”

“I left 10 days after I graduated high school. I was 17 years old.”

“So how old are you?”

“Fifty.”

“No way! You don’t sound it. This whole time I thought you were twenty five!”

So, there…

Two people think that I don’t look and sound my age. Maybe it was all that beauty rest that I got the night before!

It’s fun but…that and $3.45 or so will get you a grandé mocha at Starbucks.

Now if my wife starts saying that I am like a 25 year old (if you know what I mean!), then I’ve got something to talk about!

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I thought this was supposed to help me

Posted on 10/26/2009 by RLW3

There are just some things that I don’t understand…

Actually, there are quite a few things that I don’t understand.

I don’t understand what happened yesterday.

I took a 2 hour nap yesterday afternoon.

That is really a rare accomplishment for me. 90% of my naps are over in 15 minutes. My wife always asks me “Why?” How should I know? I must be one of those people who takes “power naps”. (LOL!)

I then fell asleep on the couch after dinner for another hour and a half.

When I woke up and looked at the clock, I was really excited…

10:00!

As I climbed into bed last night, I couldn’t wait to get to sleep. Just imagine how refreshed I will feel in the morning after another six hours of sleep!

Uh…

Not quite…

It was all I could do to get out of bed this morning! I wanted my Mommy to call and tell my boss that I couldn’t come in to work today.

I think that sleep should be listed as an addictive drug. You try a little of it and you feel like you need even more. Maybe that’s why Solomon warned” “Do not love sleep.” Love is an emotional word.

My conclusion is that sleep, while definitely necessary, is very overrated.

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You learn something new every day

Posted on 10/23/2009 by RLW3

I like the guys I work with…

I learn a great deal from them.

Today for instance, The Steel Trap told me something that I had never heard before…

“Do you know that female spiders kill their mates?”

“Yes. I did know that.”

“Do you know that they are actually merciful?”

I had no idea where he was going with this one…

“How is that?”

“The female spider kills her spouse immediately after mating with them. The male goes from pleasure to death instantly. However, the female of the human species entices the male of the species to marry them before mating with them and then slowly sucks the life out of them day by day for the next 30 years.”

I had no response but laughter.

Posted in Humor, Work | Comments Off on You learn something new every day

Just in the nick of time

Posted on 10/21/2009 by RLW3

Since our trip to New Jersey/Philadelphia, my second daughter has been wanting to talk much more these days.

to me…to her mother…her little sister…her brother…her big sister…

This fact began to dawn on me a few weeks ago when my wife said “I had a long conversation with Kimba last night.”

“Oh really? I talked with her today for quite awhile.”

Later that evening, when I asked my youngest daughter, Cakes, why she was smiling, she responded, “Kimba and I had a great conversations last night and the night before. It was so great!”

My initial thought was “That’s great. Her relationships are really being restored…”

My paternalistic warm fuzzies were fairly quickly overshadowed by a ominous, hazy feeling.

“Four of the above mentioned people happen to be on my wireless phone account with AT&T. Kimba is on Cricket…

She is eating up our minutes!!!”

Now I was in a quandary…

I can’t say that no one can talk to her for the rest of the month…

Not only can’t I, I don’t want to. I am glad she is talking to everyone! I want her to talk to everyone! This is a really good thing!

However, I’ve got to pay the bill at the end of the month!

My solution was to add her onto my account. She would save about $20 per month and all of her conversations with us would then be cell-to-cell and included in our plan.

Well, it turned out that the foreboding feeling I had was right. When I got home tonight, my wife asked me, “How much is our new wireless plan?”

“Around $200. Why?”

“Our bill for last month is $307.”

Although I switched with 14 days left in the month, we had already gone over our minutes to the tune of $100!!! Y-i-i-i-k-e-s!

That was close!!!

Posted in Money, Parenting, Technology | Tagged | Comments Off on Just in the nick of time

Where has my brain been?

Posted on 10/19/2009 by RLW3

I never ceased to be amazed…at many things. After 50 years, I am still easily impressed.

That can be a good thing or it can be a bad thing.

Take my latest encounter of the computer kind. After much thought, and I mean MUCH thought, I decided on the G-5 I-Mac…for the reasons that I listed in my last post. However, after this weekend’s events, I have completely changed my plans and am having a hard time believing that I couldn’t see what is now so very clear.

On Sunday morning, I stumbled onto a very interesting fact during my Bible study. I started to investigate but quickly learned that it would be the largest word study that I have ever done. My old Bible software was particularly useful for just such a study.

However, as I continued to think about it, I realized that it would still be a royal pain even with that software just because of the sheer amount of scriptures that are involved.

Is there any way to reduce the amount of research work?…

Hmmm…If my current Bible software had the New King James version, I could probably do it pretty quickly…

Hey, wait a minute…A little while ago, I was working on creating a text file of the NKJV to import into my current Bible software program. Where am I on that project?…

OVER 50% DONE!

Shoot! I haven’t worked on that in months. I could have been finished by now! What was I thinking?

Forget the I-Mac.

Forget my old Bible software.

I am going to return the I-Mac, save the money and finish a major project! I am glad the I-Mac didn’t work!

Posted in Providence, Technology | Tagged | Comments Off on Where has my brain been?

It looks pretty!

Posted on 10/17/2009 by RLW3

I picked up the IMac after work.

I was pretty excited…

until I plugged it in! Nothing happened!

Well, not quite nothing…

After 15 seconds, the fan started blowing really loudly!

&%&^$#$&*!

Is it written somewhere that every computer purchase has to be like this?

Posted in Technology | Comments Off on It looks pretty!

Trying to save a relic of the past

Posted on 10/16/2009 by RLW3

A little over a year ago, I bought a new MacBook Pro laptop. It has been a great machine. I use it all of the time. I’m really happy with it.

However, we need another computer…

When I get home in the evenings, there are three people who want/need to use it. That can create some problems.

Before my son left for college, I could get by because he also had a laptop. But, he’s gone and I’m stuck!

I decided to buy a completely refurbished 20″ G-5 Apple IMac from a local guy advertising on Craig’s List.

For those of you don’t have a clue what I am talking about, here is a picture.

images

I chose this computer for three reasons

It doesn’t take up a great deal of room.

The 20″ screen will make it a little more fun to watch DVD’s on.

The G-5 is the last computer that Apple made that will run my old Bible software.

So, I am going to kill three birds with one stone…

for a total of $450.

Posted in Money, Technology | Comments Off on Trying to save a relic of the past

What are the odds?

Posted on 10/12/2009 by RLW3

It was a slow day at work today.

Four of the hard drives on our server crashed…

We only have five.

They were Dell hard drives…

I’m not making a big statement or anything…

I’m just saying…

They were brand new Dell hard drives. We put them in when a lightning strike fried everything a few months ago.

As I have written on many occasions, I don’t enjoy sitting around and waiting. I enjoy getting things done!

Posted in Work | Comments Off on What are the odds?